captain Standard

lungz

Anessa Gutman

Zak

The Computer

Captain

Joshavia (Jerzy) S. Standard

A former decorated member of the space navy, The Cap’n has seen combat against almost all of the Ministry's various enemies and aggressors, and his body bears the scars of so much warfare. Regardless, he comes from a long line of distinguished captains and takes great pride in it. However, that pride extends only to have the title, as his actions are pretty “un-captainly.”
Upon finally achieving the coveted title (after taking and failing the Captain’s exam seven times*), he finally achieved his goal. He promptly quit the Navy to go into business for himself. Unfortunately, upon starting his company, the Cap’n’s fortunes went south dramatically, and the blame most assuredly belonged at his feet. A lesser (or, more accurately, a better) person might have reflected on how far they had fallen. Not so this man, as he still legally carried the title “Captain” and could wear his captain’s hat with (misguided) pride. In the 20 years since, he has flown the space lanes, scrimping by, looking for one big score to achieve the sweet life.

* There is some speculation that the Cap’n may have bribed the officials administering the exam. Sadly, all parties involved in saving the Cap’n perished soon after in unexpected and suspicious manners

Chief Engineer

LUNGZ

To say that Lungz had a hardscrabble upbringing would be an understatement. Born Charity Lewellen Arbuckle on the slum planet Orpheus, he earned the nickname “Lungz” as a teen after a freak decompression accident* physically pulled his actual lungs out of his throat. Thankfully, this being the future, medical science could reinsert his breathing sacks, and he fully recovered. Once a promising engineer, his career hit the skids after devastating losses, such as a broken heart, a stint as a “Pickle Boy,” and other misadventures. Soon, he realized the futility of existence and decided it was better just to futz around and do the least necessary to get by, which made it quite the stroke of luck for him to cross paths with The Cap’n as his outlook was very much the same. That said, he still possesses some talent as an engineer, which allows him to perform rather complicated repairs and innovations if he’s in the right mood.

* According to his official biographer, young Arbuckle was employing the airlock to “autoerotically asphyxiate” himself when things got out of hand.

Pilot

Anessa Gutman:

The newest crew member, Gutman is also one of the most formidable. Although introduced as a meager safety inspector, she is, in fact, a former top gun starfighter pilot for the Ministry’s armed forces. “The best of the best '' is how one of her former instructors referred her. Gutman, too, has experienced severe combat with its inherent victories and defeats. Her scarred face and body reveal how battle-hardened she is, and her confirmed kill list puts other pilots to shame. Sadly, she was drummed out of the fighter core for reasons that, at this time, are not entirely clear*. First impressions show her to be steely in her resolve and fierce to those who cross her. Lungz, in particular, knows firsthand her wrath. Always prepared and ready for a fight, she is a (somewhat reluctant) asset for the Cap’n’s motley crew. With her skills as an accomplished pilot, even the Watercress performs above its flight tolerances. Simply put, The Cap’n’s days would be far shorter without Gutman.

* Her expulsion may be related to something the other officers referred to as “The Hot Dog Incident.”

Ship's assistant

Zachery P. Zak

Zach is an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, smothered in secret* sauce. Keep him away from matches. The Cap’n alone knows from whence he came.

* One secret we do know is that the ‘P’ in his name stands for potato.

The Computer

The Computer, or ‘Pu-tor, as The Cap’n calls it, is The Watercress's AI. Surprisingly sophisticated for such a decrepit ship, the Cap’n obtained her, as he does almost all of his possessions, in a pallet of unclaimed freight he won at auction from the space post office.